This entry was posted
on Sunday, February 1st, 2009 at 7:50 am and is filed under Tea Party.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Both comments and pings are currently closed.
14 Responses to “How do I get my 4 and 6 year old to stay seated at the table throughout a meal, and have better table manners?”
I started earlier, like 2 ish, but you can start now if you’d like. If they get out of their seats, they have one chance to come back to finish or else I take away their plate and they don’t eat again for that meal. It sounds harsh, but after about 2 times of this, even in the same day, does wonders for teaching them they can’t walk away and expect their food to still be there! Their tummies will do the talking so don’t worry about starving them! As for not spilling, I recently learned to put a doily above the plate and that is where they are to put their cup after every use so that it’s not in their way to spill it! It also works great!
take away desert or a favorite toy and stick to it. you have to be the one in controll. i first send them to their room, for a time out, if that doesn;t work, i take desert, it that doesn’t work, princess dresses or video games. it works for me. but i am tough as nails and NEVER give in, so you need to grow a backbone, no is NO.
Agree with Sunshine Girl! But, I am going a little further……when they wiggle around, spill their food…..clean it up and then it is gone! Do NOT refill their plates. They then have to sit quietly while the rest of you enjoy your dinner. If they won’t then time out, go to bed early, whatever. They are not going to starve and you are not harming them….you are teaching them! Moms need to be tough sometimes to raise polite kids.
Also, the kids never sit next to each other. If they have to sit next to each other, make sure an adult is by each one.
I like the other answers you got, but I try to teach skills and life lessons with humour and fun.
I would differentiate between casual family dining, and a more formal dinner time. Next time you are having a family dinner, pretend you are the waitress in a fine restaurant.
Set the table with the good dishes and real glasses, good napkins if you have them – put on an apron, have a note book and take their orders.
Say – “I’ll take you to your table Sir & Madam” “Please be seated” “May I take your order” “Would you like fruit juice with that Sir, or Milk?”
My kids always enjoyed doing that, and you are reenforcing manners, you have the opportunity to ask if they are enjoying their food and compliment them on their behaviour.
If your children are girls you could have a Princess Party where you teach them to sit like Princesses, walk like Princesses, eat tiny sandwiches and sip tea like Princesses, and teach them the right way to dab (not wipe) their mouths with a napkin, how to say “Would you be so kind as to pass me the sandwiches?”
You could have your children be the waiters next time.
You could also include general manners such as teaching them how to introduce people – such as introducing you to their teachers or friend’s relatives – “Mrs Smith, these are my parents John and Mary Brown”.
These are all skills that will help your children over their whole lives and hopefully get them used to sitting at the dinner table a little better!
my mom ran her own daycare,
and if a kid refused to eat or got up too much, she would wait until the other kids were done their food, get them their snacks and let them go play,
but would literally sit there until the kid finished their food without getting up.
the kids soon realized that it was easier if they just ate their food without interuptions so that they could get their snacks and play with their friends.
also,
when i was little,
if i was to get up or not eat at least half of my food,
i would be sent to bed right then with no desert.
i learned
Well, what are your expectations? And may I assume that neither has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit. Here goes:
A) Set realistic expectations.
B) Set a good example. If you or your significant other are getting up during the meals, you are sending the message that it is okay.
C) Start with small steps and perhaps small meals. If the children can sit for 2 minutes, give them only what they can consume in 2 minutes and then let them get up. This begins a pattern of success – they have sat through their entire meal! Once you establish a pattern you can expand the time frame.
Alternately – you can do nothing. My son kept getting up during meals. We said nothing and he would sit back down, take a few bites, and get up again. It bothered my wife not me, and he grew out of it – we never addressed it, but we did set the example.
We have a small dessert after mealtime and they do not get it if they are not semi proper during the meal. We have also tried with my 5 year old to send him to the corner and then he would have to finish his meal by himself after we left the table. Wow! Did that work! Only one time had to do that.
I do not expect folded hands I also don’t want running and banging and spilling. A lot of it is teaching by example. At one point I realized I was jumping up and down catering to everyone’s requests until I finally told them that if it wasn’t on the table they didn’t need it. Once they saw that I wasn’t jumping up and down they settled down too.
I have pretend fancy resturant with my daughter and son.
We dim the lights and use “fancy” disposable napkins and fancy cups. It tends to relax us all and its fun. We put on some light music and act like royalty.
I have a step daughter I have known since she was about 2. She is now 5. Her mom and me have different parenting styles so I go Thru the same thing every time she comes to our house. She roams around, won’t sit down and won’t eat. If she won’t stop, I take away her plate and she is done. Usually when I take away the plate her little **** goes right back in the chair cause she knows she is in trouble and knows that if I take away her dinner she gets no snack or nothing before bed so she’d better eat. I don’t starve her, if she’s not eat ting then she can’t be at the table. When she is removed, she then apologizes and comes back for a few bites. I also don’t make her clear her plate, she eats whatever she can but is not allowed to mess around at the table or get up and walk around. But if she doesn’t eat a good lunch or dinner I don’t give her a snack right away she has to wait a while because sometimes right after she is done with lunch or what ever and we go through the whole not eating lunch thing, she asks for cookies or candy caues she says she is now hungry. I tell her she should have ate a good lunch and then probably would have got a cookie. If she has room in her tummy for cookies, there is room for good stuff. For me this works and I see improvement. Like I said she lives with her mom so when she comes to visit She has to get used to my house rules too but She knows me now. We have no TV on, everyone sits down and if she does start to act up again, she is taken from the table away from everyone.
Someone else told me once that meal time is meal time. No games or TV anything so the kids know that when dinner is on, they eat and shouldn’t mess around.
From the time my kids were little they had to stay at the table while eating. What I did was I just decided my kids would not be getting up during meals. If they started to get up I would stop them and say “no, you need to stay at the table until you are done” If they said “I am done” then I would remind them they need to ask “may I be excused”.
My kids never leave the table without asking if they can be excused. When my youngest started kindergarten the teacher called me on the first day and told me she wanted 15 more of him. She said at snack time he asked to be exuced and she said in all her years of teaching she’s never had a kid do that at snack time. My kids are so used to it they do it automatically whenever they eat.
I used to nanny for a family with 3 kids who used to get up and leave the table and then come back for more and would never sit still during a meal. I taught them the same rule and they did it with me but not with their parents. It’s just because their parents didn’t enforce it. I guess they felt it was easier to let them do what they wanted than have a battle over it.
It’s easier if you start right when they are little but even at your kids ages it’s possible to achieve. Just be cosnistent and if they get up tell them “no you need to finish your dinner before you can get up” if they say they are finished then make them ask to be excused. If they leave the table put their plate in the sink and if they come back for more tell them “sorry but the rule is, if you leave the table, then you are done. If you follow this to a T they will learn.
and for people who say they are just kids, well kids need to learn at some point how to have manners. Do you want to eat at a restaurant and have someone elses child running around your table playing because their parents let them do it at home?
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:46 pm
judy
I started earlier, like 2 ish, but you can start now if you’d like. If they get out of their seats, they have one chance to come back to finish or else I take away their plate and they don’t eat again for that meal. It sounds harsh, but after about 2 times of this, even in the same day, does wonders for teaching them they can’t walk away and expect their food to still be there! Their tummies will do the talking so don’t worry about starving them! As for not spilling, I recently learned to put a doily above the plate and that is where they are to put their cup after every use so that it’s not in their way to spill it! It also works great!
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 pm
todd
take away desert or a favorite toy and stick to it. you have to be the one in controll. i first send them to their room, for a time out, if that doesn;t work, i take desert, it that doesn’t work, princess dresses or video games. it works for me. but i am tough as nails and NEVER give in, so you need to grow a backbone, no is NO.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
eugcof
Agree with Sunshine Girl! But, I am going a little further……when they wiggle around, spill their food…..clean it up and then it is gone! Do NOT refill their plates. They then have to sit quietly while the rest of you enjoy your dinner. If they won’t then time out, go to bed early, whatever. They are not going to starve and you are not harming them….you are teaching them! Moms need to be tough sometimes to raise polite kids.
Also, the kids never sit next to each other. If they have to sit next to each other, make sure an adult is by each one.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
jewood
I like the other answers you got, but I try to teach skills and life lessons with humour and fun.
I would differentiate between casual family dining, and a more formal dinner time. Next time you are having a family dinner, pretend you are the waitress in a fine restaurant.
Set the table with the good dishes and real glasses, good napkins if you have them – put on an apron, have a note book and take their orders.
Say – “I’ll take you to your table Sir & Madam” “Please be seated” “May I take your order” “Would you like fruit juice with that Sir, or Milk?”
My kids always enjoyed doing that, and you are reenforcing manners, you have the opportunity to ask if they are enjoying their food and compliment them on their behaviour.
If your children are girls you could have a Princess Party where you teach them to sit like Princesses, walk like Princesses, eat tiny sandwiches and sip tea like Princesses, and teach them the right way to dab (not wipe) their mouths with a napkin, how to say “Would you be so kind as to pass me the sandwiches?”
You could have your children be the waiters next time.
You could also include general manners such as teaching them how to introduce people – such as introducing you to their teachers or friend’s relatives – “Mrs Smith, these are my parents John and Mary Brown”.
These are all skills that will help your children over their whole lives and hopefully get them used to sitting at the dinner table a little better!
February 7th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
margpo
my mom ran her own daycare,
and if a kid refused to eat or got up too much, she would wait until the other kids were done their food, get them their snacks and let them go play,
but would literally sit there until the kid finished their food without getting up.
the kids soon realized that it was easier if they just ate their food without interuptions so that they could get their snacks and play with their friends.
also,
when i was little,
if i was to get up or not eat at least half of my food,
i would be sent to bed right then with no desert.
i learned
February 11th, 2009 at 9:46 am
derrgue
Well, what are your expectations? And may I assume that neither has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit. Here goes:
A) Set realistic expectations.
B) Set a good example. If you or your significant other are getting up during the meals, you are sending the message that it is okay.
C) Start with small steps and perhaps small meals. If the children can sit for 2 minutes, give them only what they can consume in 2 minutes and then let them get up. This begins a pattern of success – they have sat through their entire meal! Once you establish a pattern you can expand the time frame.
Alternately – you can do nothing. My son kept getting up during meals. We said nothing and he would sit back down, take a few bites, and get up again. It bothered my wife not me, and he grew out of it – we never addressed it, but we did set the example.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:51 am
lawrence
We have a small dessert after mealtime and they do not get it if they are not semi proper during the meal. We have also tried with my 5 year old to send him to the corner and then he would have to finish his meal by himself after we left the table. Wow! Did that work! Only one time had to do that.
I do not expect folded hands I also don’t want running and banging and spilling. A lot of it is teaching by example. At one point I realized I was jumping up and down catering to everyone’s requests until I finally told them that if it wasn’t on the table they didn’t need it. Once they saw that I wasn’t jumping up and down they settled down too.
February 13th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
louise
I have pretend fancy resturant with my daughter and son.
We dim the lights and use “fancy” disposable napkins and fancy cups. It tends to relax us all and its fun. We put on some light music and act like royalty.
February 15th, 2009 at 2:00 am
neva
tell them they get dessert if they behave. btw they are just kids. what are you expecting, really. ask your mom or dad how you were when you were 4-6.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
tonya
I have a step daughter I have known since she was about 2. She is now 5. Her mom and me have different parenting styles so I go Thru the same thing every time she comes to our house. She roams around, won’t sit down and won’t eat. If she won’t stop, I take away her plate and she is done. Usually when I take away the plate her little **** goes right back in the chair cause she knows she is in trouble and knows that if I take away her dinner she gets no snack or nothing before bed so she’d better eat. I don’t starve her, if she’s not eat ting then she can’t be at the table. When she is removed, she then apologizes and comes back for a few bites. I also don’t make her clear her plate, she eats whatever she can but is not allowed to mess around at the table or get up and walk around. But if she doesn’t eat a good lunch or dinner I don’t give her a snack right away she has to wait a while because sometimes right after she is done with lunch or what ever and we go through the whole not eating lunch thing, she asks for cookies or candy caues she says she is now hungry. I tell her she should have ate a good lunch and then probably would have got a cookie. If she has room in her tummy for cookies, there is room for good stuff. For me this works and I see improvement. Like I said she lives with her mom so when she comes to visit She has to get used to my house rules too but She knows me now. We have no TV on, everyone sits down and if she does start to act up again, she is taken from the table away from everyone.
Someone else told me once that meal time is meal time. No games or TV anything so the kids know that when dinner is on, they eat and shouldn’t mess around.
February 17th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
arlhe
lol !!!
February 18th, 2009 at 10:24 am
mccleary
From the time my kids were little they had to stay at the table while eating. What I did was I just decided my kids would not be getting up during meals. If they started to get up I would stop them and say “no, you need to stay at the table until you are done” If they said “I am done” then I would remind them they need to ask “may I be excused”.
My kids never leave the table without asking if they can be excused. When my youngest started kindergarten the teacher called me on the first day and told me she wanted 15 more of him. She said at snack time he asked to be exuced and she said in all her years of teaching she’s never had a kid do that at snack time. My kids are so used to it they do it automatically whenever they eat.
I used to nanny for a family with 3 kids who used to get up and leave the table and then come back for more and would never sit still during a meal. I taught them the same rule and they did it with me but not with their parents. It’s just because their parents didn’t enforce it. I guess they felt it was easier to let them do what they wanted than have a battle over it.
It’s easier if you start right when they are little but even at your kids ages it’s possible to achieve. Just be cosnistent and if they get up tell them “no you need to finish your dinner before you can get up” if they say they are finished then make them ask to be excused. If they leave the table put their plate in the sink and if they come back for more tell them “sorry but the rule is, if you leave the table, then you are done. If you follow this to a T they will learn.
and for people who say they are just kids, well kids need to learn at some point how to have manners. Do you want to eat at a restaurant and have someone elses child running around your table playing because their parents let them do it at home?
February 19th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
smtih
Insist they do so, and have a meaningful consequence if they do not.
February 21st, 2009 at 7:49 am
justbo
spanking